Dear Conrad

Hilton that is. 

I'm in Portugal (The Algarve) for the next few days and having a great time!

Today I was so busy getting flights, getting lost, getting lunch, getting spanked, getting coffee, getting dinner, getting home and getting tired.

Not surprised.

I had a seven(?) course dinner at the Conrad Hilton tonight, no word of lie.

1. Prosecco and these little meatball things with almonds and beetroot

2. White wine (Specially selected by Antonio) and a tomato and lobster palette cleanser

[this is when they brought a bread basket with Portuguese and Hawiian salt and olive oil over]

3. Lobster with celery jelly... I know I know..

4. Biggest glass of red I've ever seen and to quote Dario "it explodes in your mouth!" Carbonara, between Dario and Ace I've heard enough about pasta.

5. Lamb with apple and asparagus/ chicken and black bread.

6. Espresso, I've been awake for coming onto 36 hours... Don't judge me!

7. "predessert" thanks Daniel, I must say utterly hilarious. Billed as strawberries, vanilla ice cream and cream but the cream was magical disappearing cream. I'll find the name.

8. Actual dessert, soufflé! Coffee flavoured with caramel almonds and more ice cream.

So damn full.

But not done.

Finally after asking for the check we were presented with Petit er... Threes?

9.1 Marshmallow with sorbet

9.2 Amaretto and chocolate biscuit 

9.3 Shortbread

In my pretty four poster bed now, poor me!

Self Respect and the submissive

I have been a working girl for two years now.
I have worked in a strip club for six months prior
I have trained in pole dancing for almost seven years (yes really)
I have slept with so many guys (for nothing) that I´ve lost count.

I also consider myself a submissive.

I was reading this artical in last months Tatler Magazine (thats the February issue). Tatler is my favourite magazine because it talks about fashion, Prince Harry, tennis and horse riding, Prince Harry, exotic holidays, Prince Harry, new chefs and restaurants, Prince Harry, British culture and current affairs and not forgetting Prince Harry.
The artical I was reading was dubbed on the cover has:

"SEX: The most highly priced prostitutes in the world. And the man who trains them"

I saw the title and my jaw hit the floor. The man who whats them?! Oh my god its an essay on submissive escorts! Hurrah! Tatler has made it.

Please turn to page 84.

Title of the page, this is how its set out.

"Their careers are short but lucrative.
They are as beautiful as any supermodel with the stamina of an athlete and the skills of a diplomat.
They can earn $10,000 for a nights work.
They are expected to leave their self respect at the bedroom door"

Devastated.

WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG.

And by the way I read the double page spread over and over and never found mention of this "man who trains them". Anyway. Shall we begin with the first one?

Their careers are short but lucrative.
Firstly I am the youngest submissive girl in London (for now) and can I just say its got nothing to do with age, its to do with experience and how you present yourself and conduct your business. The artical implies once your thirty your finished, not true. There are some clients who wont see me back I´m too young and understandably the same age as their daughters which understandably freaks them out. It would freak me out too.

They are as beautiful as any supermodel with the skills of a diplomat and the stamina of an athlete.
Again its rubbish. Although it does help to be pretty. Actually you need to be easy on the eye. Its the point.
(at your leisure please read the "worst picture challenge" on UK Punting. Its harsh but you´ve gotta laugh!)

Also it does help to know what your talking about. Yes girls, other than shoes and Eastenders- men dont give a fuck about your new hair extensions. I´ve noticed alot of working girls, and yes this is the stereotype, we´re brought up on council estates and learnt their manners from The Jeremy Kyle Show.
I swear I once heard a girl answer her phone with "hiya what do you want?"

They can earn $10,000 for one nights work.
No.

They are expected to leave their self respect at the bedroom door.
Sorry, what?
This is what wound me up a bit. I may be a working girl, infact I maybe a submissive working girl but WHAT!

I´d appreciate any comments to this via my email or twitter as when I´ve calmed down I´m sure I´ll write a follow up.

I do have self respect, having no self respect as I shall stress yet again is not in anyway related to this work. In terms of sexual relations having an agreement which may or may not include sex is not lacking in self respect as long as it is Safe, Sane and Consentual. I think a lack of self respect is getting ridiculously drunk and throwing yourself at men or women in a club with no control of your faculties and then sleeping with them.

Neither partner will have personal gain.

Tatler Magazine can fuck right off.

And so can so called "Escort Lauren" because I know anyone who talks about their job exaggerates it to other girls (and she knows other girls would read that) although I do think shes correct about the only girls making $10,000 (probably before the recession if I´m honest) but it will only be Actresses and Models. I always had my suspicions about Victoria´s Secrets.

Getting on top (pun not intended)

Since getting back to London after Christmas and New Year its been utterly manic!

I was in work 30 minutes after getting off the East Coast Train which was hilarious, I do love travelling with Alex!

After that it was time to dig through all 200 emails (yes 200) about 75 of which were e-cards which did make me laugh! Another positive of this year is I had some jeans I left at home when I moved to London that this Christmas I could fit into, new pictures obviously we´re needed to I got ton that too.

Not long after that I joined TriYoga as part of my new years resolution. Yet to go but I plan on changed that and starting with the monday Astanga class. I think I should probably go daily... good habits and that?

I dont know if any of you have seen that thread on UkPunting about that guy who took pictures of his wife in all those amazing bendy yoga positions. I can do those positions. I´m not sure I could do what the UkPunting members would like to do with me while in aformentioned positions.

Doesn´t mean I shouldnt try.

I was going to this yoga class at Pure Gym in Camden with this lovely teacher Vikki but it was an all levels class and full of beginners. Turns out I´m not as beginner as I thought. Kate aknowlaged this with a "ohmygod since when were you THAT bendy!?" and a look of have disgust and half awe.

Fab.

On a rather fun note. Please google Sub Charlotte (in incognito mode obviously) with the safe search settings on.

It brings you one of the best submarines in Britain which just happens to be called Charlotte.

God Save The Queen!

Thank you post.

I want to use this post to thank two of my newest Masters and to tell you all what a lucky little submissive I am.

Master O has bought me the most beautiful dress in the world. Very lovely, demure but still sexy, I will be sure to post a picture and thank you properly on monday Sir.

Master P has invited me to spend some time with him in Portugal. I do feel for all you guys who wanted to come see me while I´m away but do not dispair I shall be back!

These are todays reasons why I am the luckiest girl in London!

Oh and I had lunch with James in Covent Garden... I´ve lived here for two years and I still can´t believe it!

Bubble Bath

The most groundbreaking thing that happened this week was I took my acrylic nails off. Possibly for good. Ace was almost sick because I just pulled them off while we were up watching How I Met Your Mother at some point this week. Apparently its sickening.

I got my new pictures up (thank god!) now you can actually see my pretty face instead of Bunnies of London's photoshopped super-woman pictures that had a resemblance to me when I was 18 and lived inside the pages of Cosmopolitain. Just one more reasons I think escort agencys are imoral.

It was Submissive Emma's birthday yesterday, she's still looking good.

Its Another escort friends birthday today who's asked me not to mention her by name. Bore!
So we're going clubbing in Holborn tonight- as if I can wait!

Its been a quiet day today, one of those days where everyone has a question but nobody wants to come in. So I have elected to sit in the flat all day. And blog. And edit pictures. And write. I like to pretend I've writing a novel but I'm 600 pages in and there's little or no story to it.

I wrote a bit on my tablet last night since I couldn't sleep (maybe I should take a bubble bath?) which is unusual since I was at Ace's again and I sometimes find it difficult to sleep if I can't hear his horrendous-earth quake educing- stampede creating- really rather loud snoring. Definitely could hear last night.

Odd.

OK. I almost got through an entire blog post without a rant but I have just received a phonecall from some stupid man who thinks he's at Baker Street Station.

Me: Hello Good Afternoon, can I help you Sir?
Him: Hey, er, is that Laura? Wait who is this?
Me: (be professional, be professional, be professional) This is Charlotte Sir.
Him: oh right er, are you available?
Me: Yes Sir, I am until 6pm.
Him: What do you like to do?  
Me: (hmmm that bubble bath sounds good) Well in an hour I offer unlimited hand spanking, uniforms and costumes tie and te-
Him: but I just want the normal stuff whore, I shall call you back.
[End Call]

I wonder if anyone ever takes their calls back? I certainly shall not be.

(and I can guarantee a guy like that doesn't want anything "normal")

It wasn't clever was it?

I want to talk about fisting.

I got back to London on Sunday afternoon and popped into work for a client. He was lovely... schoolgirl role play- super fun! I got a cab and picked Kate up and went to the pub to meet Ace, I missed them so much! Obviously we got very drunk and had lots of amazing sex. Me and Ace, not Kate you dirty people.

Monday I went in at 2 once my hangover had subsided (it was quiet anyway) and drank a glass off my mums homemade mulled wine with Emma.

Client number one
Interrogation scene [check]
Bondage [check]
Fisting [er...check]

Client number two
Schoolgirl roleplay [check]
Fisting [sorry what?]

If anyone has any idea when I turned into the go-to girl for fisting let me know!

Christmas Oop Norf

Ohkay, ohkay... I did say the 6th... Monday the 6th. But I'm bored and Ace is *cough* way too busy for me and I am back at 1:30 in the afternoon so... Yeah I will be taking calls for tomorrow!

I can't wait, I really enjoyed my time up here seeing family, getting nostalgic with M Alex and getting drunk in interesting places with Crystal but wow I am so ready to get back to normal!

Top Ten Things About The North East

10. The cold

I can guarantee for the next month I'm going to be overheating in London, I'll be the chick in high heels and a dress staggering down Oxford Street with no coat.

9. The accent 

Sorry (or maybe not?) but it's back, not fully and probably not for long but for the moment nobody will confuse me with:

-The Irish

-The Welsh

-The Scouse

-The Americans

-The Scots

I even got Polish in November. No there will be no doubt in anyone's mind where I'm from!

8. A cheap night out 

3 whiskey cokes and 3 sambucas 

£15.10

Need I say more

7. You what?!

"Sorry what kinds of Sambuca do you have, Sir?"

"Eh?! Ya what?! There's arnly won kind ov Sambookah"

"Of course Sir, silly me.."

6. Proper food

"Maaaam! Can I use the kitchen!! I want to cook seafood tagliatelle with soft tomato and chilli oil!"

I kid you not

"Dint worry Pet al cook ya a pie"

Never mind...

5. Haway tha' lads

No negotiation it's Sunderland all the way, someone even offered to get "FTM"* printed on my team shirt for me.

*FTM means Fuck The Mags which is the slang for Newcastle FC for all you wholesome Southern folk.

4. Nobody asking where Im from

Everyone knows everyone and everyone knows someone from Byker Grove.

I walked through the town on Christmas Eve and ran into everyone from my old high school, my form group from sixth form, two cousins, my nanas friend Pete who does her hair, Lord somebody or other I know from somewhere, my sisters ex, my ex and then couldn't find god damn Alex anywhere.

3. Greggs

Oh my sweet Jesus. Best hangover food in the world. Tastes like hell in London, infact it's so bad that it makes you turn back to drink.

2. Mocking the South

Sorry but I know you mock The North it's like a strange D/s relationship where the power exchange shifts depending on the amount of Tory MPs in the North East.

1. It's absolutely acceptable to get mortal, act like a c*nt and shag whomever one wishes

Not that I did. I have before but not this time. Shag whomever not act like a c*nt. Crystal decided to bring up the story of one of our more turbulent NYE nights out a few years ago where we both got drunk and she took some of the party drugs I am so terrified of (and this is why) she hallucinated a bus coming, sorry, "raving" down the road and lost the plot. Stay classy Crystal.

Hurrah for the North

Anyway, I did the decent thing and here's a picture of me today, yes I do have A Christmas figure (although I still got in my size 10 jeans!) see you tomorrow!