Monday 23 February 2015

Obligatory Valentines Day Post [Late]

I had to do it eventually so here goes...

Rather than rambling on about what I like and don't about Valentines Day I thought I'd list weird things instead... because lets be honest- every day is Valentines Day for me!


5. Letters to Juliet.
Not just a movie. Which is something I didn't know was a thing either but I'm going to watch it tonight. But thousands of people send letters into Verona all year but mostly on Valentines day addressed "Dear Juliet". What a lovely thing to do I thought to myself- thousands of love letters!
Wrong.
They are mostly letters with love problems who ask Juliet for help. She can't help, she was a 14 year old who ran off with the rebellious lad down the road then killed herself instead of thinking it through. Go eat some chocolate and cry you stupid bitches!

4. Girls ate unusual food to make them think of their future partner.
I actually tried this. I went to Shaka Zulu during the week before the 14th which is a bar/club by night and a trendy African restaurant during the day- well worth a visit if you're in town! In the spirit of ordering bizarre things I opted for ostrich burger and a shared starter of crocodile cigars. It made me think of Russell Crowe, so who knows...

3. The 1800's were busy.
Doctors in the 1800's advised heartbroken romantics to eat chocolate to fill the gaping void that lacking a sweetheart, left in their chests. Perhaps that's where "sweet"heart comes from? Either way by the late 1800's Richard Cadbury had began producing Valentines Day chocolate boxes. On a separate note Alexander Graham Bell applied for his patent for the telephone on Valentines Day 1876. I am thankful for this Call Girl sounds a lot better than Carrier Pigeon Girl

2. In Finland Valentines Day is translated into Friends Day.
I can only assume this means you should go and get lashed with the girls rather than watch 50 shades of Grey with your other half (see next blog for review). More than likely though one should go one a date with one of the poor guys you've friendzoned which leads me into the most unusual thing about Valentines day...

1. I had a date with a man.
Other than being 20 minutes late thanks to traffic at Trafalgar Square, I showed up to a wonderful tequila bar in Covent Garden to a (now friendzoned) decent bloke. Bar came complete with sombrero wearing Mexicans and a fabulous list of Margaritas which I got right on.

...Around Margarita number 4...

 Mr Valentine says "Don't you have work tomorrow?"
Charlotte with no brain "Oh yes but its a photoshoot in the afternoon!"
Mr Valentine "Oh wow you're a model!"
Charlotte with brain working "Yes, a fashion model in fact, but I'm freelance and only do runway so don't try to find any pictures..."
Mr Valentine "ah thank god... I thought you might have been into that weird S&M bollocks"

Weird S&M bollocks you say...?

Monday 2 February 2015

Addiction Level: Slut.

As my twitter followers know very well if I'm not too busy I start putting together new outfits (its worse now I have a sewing machine.

These are my two newest... and I have a PVC maid one but that's a surprise for later...

My costume collection has expanded from fitting into my handbag two years ago to filling two wardrobes,and six draws (IKEA draws by the way, not a little cabinet). 

My first costume was a tacky pink schoolgirl one piece dress. How embarrassing. The best part was when on leaving a sketchy hotel in a sketchy part of town I forgot to wipe off my freckles off and wondered why I was getting funny looks from the hotel staff. Dire!

There's a reason I prefer incall, plus can you imagine the looks I'd get in Parklane trying to drag my F Machine out of the back of a taxi! Oh dear... I'm sure it would only happen to me...

"Can I help you with your bags Madam?"

I probably shouldn't have bought another nurse costume though... that makes it up to 10 that I have... but then again I didn't have a pink one so I think its justified. And lets be honest, with a name like General Punishment I couldn't resist the other one. Camouflage is so 2013... and the skirt rides up perfectly. If I do say so myself.