Afternote

Hit up some wifi this afternoon to find:

Thousands of messages from you guys (I know, I know.. two more days- I'm already lubing up!)

WhatsApp was going mental.. Girls night with Rachel coming up... maybe some sexy pictures if you're lucky!
 

Bryan and Master Alex had SnapChatted the fuck out of me..
 

Kate and Holly had messaged me on Facebook... turns out there was a coach crash where everyone died horribly and they thought that a inbox message was enough to check I was still there.

Some of my friend's graduated today including D and Ace.
 

As usual Ace has plastered facebook with pictures of him and his class graduating. Not a squeak from D. Typical.
 

I have never found the graduation robes much of a turn on but whether I have discovered a new fetish or I just haven't gotten my claws into Ace for a week (...wait a second) he looks thoroughly edible. Maybe its because hes officially.. dare I say it - "Professional".
 

I have a serious proble- err perversion involving those of a profession or those who are gifted. Usually includes those in fields of science, mathematics or similar as well as those who speak multiple languages preferably of Mediterranean origin. A girl doesn't ask for much.

Par exempla. Ace and D as well as the poor soul who came before D fulfilled this criteria.
 

And I wonder why I'm always single.
 

I digress.

I'm sitting up at 2am on the balcony of the cabin we're staying in in Switzerland the night on the way to Paris. Totally wired.
 

So wired I may need to find a recent Computer Science grad to come unwire me.

With his teeth.
 

I am sceptical of what all this time (*cough* a week) on the continent has done to me. I am going to need a firm hand to correct my more than interesting behaviour when I get back.
 

Here's a picture of my sceptical expression.  Feel free to wipe it off my face in the coming weeks.
 

Secret Escape - Part 6 (red moon)

Luckily this is the last day before I go to Paris then back to London. Should probably mention here that I called it red moon because the moon was pretty and red last night. I didnt kill anyone.

Told my mum the job last night.
 

As expected she did not take it very well... there was lots of screaming and shouting as well as knocking back vodka anything typical of a council estate domestic really. Like your average middle class family does... Twenty minutes in and we got past anger to disgust.  "poor D- thats why he left you and Ace doesnt want you" as well as the usual derogatory comments and the "so how much do you charge" and so on into my expenses,
 

NB: D is my ex boyf who my mother gets on unreasonably well with. Not to sound feminist but we broke up because hes a jackass and I'm a bitch as opposed to he's a mathematical genius and I'm a whore which are also true...

Also the Ace situation. She couldn't tell me his last name never mind the dynamics of our relationship.
 

I do find it a little amusing how she thinks I'm some sort of streetwalker riddled with disease looking to fuel her heroine addiction parading around Soho in fishnet stockings and a low cut shirt (nice outfit- but only for clubbing.. I'm still Northern you know!)
 

Before I started escorting (when I lived in the student halls at Cally Road) my friend text to meet me at McDs in Kings Cross- the sketchy 24h one on the corner of Pentonville road and York Way.. we all know it.. so twenty to ten I throw on my hoodie and jeans and start wandering down York Way to meet him, I get to just past EGG club before I realise this bloke is following me, I psych myself up and turn around asking if I can help him. His reply.
 

"Want some business"
 

Oh sweet irony.

Secret Escape - part 5 (night swimming)

Just a quick pic that L took of me last night. Just because. Well I have rope burn now dont I (and wasnt that fun to explain to my mother..)
 

Met Penlope this morning at the bar looking shattered, she got there first asking why I looked exhausted, I lied away about the heat keeping me up all night after all it was 30°s last night.. but that wasnt what kept me up.. She bought it so I quickly changed the subject to why she was so tired.
 

Well. Awkwardly she had been sitting up with her sister in law all night trying to console her.

Why I ask?
.....The sun is shining!
.................The birds are singing!
And her husband was out screwing some kid he met on the beach yesterday.

Oh fuck.
 

I am no kid. Curves in all the right places I say.
 

I tentatively asked how many siblings she had in a vain hope L might be the younger brother. No. Just one.
 

I bought Penelope another Amaretto Coke and made my excuses for another family excursion, not real. My family have gone shopping in takky souvenir shops, I'll pass.
 

I know I really should feel awful about potentially ruining their relationship but as usual I am merely the catalyst. I spent the morning learning how to drive a motorboat with this lovely mature couple to take my mind of it- she seems more interested than him.. invited me to have dinner in their Villa tonight.

Fingers crossed boys!

Secret Escape - Part 4 (italiano)

It took me 4 days.
 

I was trying to be good. But we all know that never actually works out for me, I always manage to do something bad..
 

So I met this girl (we can call her Penelope even though she was Italian- from Rome infact) who had came on holiday with her older brother and his friends.
 

Her brother who we can call L wasted no time in inviting me out to his yacht. Yes. Yes ladies and gentlemen he has a yacht.
 

So after an hour discussing the lack of nightclubs in the area and the abundance of overweight German women who seemed to continuously shout abuse at us (so what if its not a topless beach- we needed an even tan!) I ditched to shower and have the obligatory evening meal with my family.

As there is only wifi reception at the bar I hooked up to answer some of your emails, tweet and whine to Ace about the heat. He's graduating this week- I was suprised he was sober.
 

This screenshot basically sums up my relationship with him.
(This is after recounting the days events and telling him about L)
 

Incase any of you are wondering he tied me to the deck as every experienced yachtsman would and had me every which way.
 

Being nailed to a mast really does put things into perspective for you.
 

My vaj is in need of some R&R.

Desperately.

Secret Escape - Part 3 (Venice)

Venice probably ranks 6 in my list of favourite cities.
The list currently standing at:
 

1. London (it has my fuck pad/ men.  Obvs first place.)
2. Paris (thats where I "learnt" to fuck. Different story, different day..)
3. Amsterdam (where I learnt to not care about the majority opinion, had my first moresome and well.. its full of whores)
4. New York (shopping shopping shopping)
5. Edinburgh (horny scots. Yum)
7. Milan (perfetto for a weekend away.)

**

Venice is something else though, I finished reading Dan Browns Inferno last week which gives excellent insight into the city to some things I might otherwise have missed.
 

Read the book guys. It might be his best yet.
 

I got loads of masks though, you all know how I love dressing up and I already know someone who can't wait to get his hands on them!
 

I didn't get to take a gondola ride but its probably for the best since I'm with my family and can only think about one of my lovers tying my hands to the back of one and screwing me senseless.

Might not be able to make it to Florence on this trip but I may treat myself (and Ace if he's a good boy) before Christmas.
 

**(No Rome is not on there because I don't really remember it. But yes because I know who of you will ask me too I did go to the Vatican and yes I did see the Cistine Chapel. No I do not remember and if you ask which you will, I will simply remind you that you could be spanking me instead. )

Secret Escape- Part 2 (The Adriatiche)

Its no secret that I love the beach. Back home a former boyfriend and I used to spend all our waking moments there. In the arcade on the sand... in the sea. North Sea. In February. Freezing almost but then again I love the cold so it was great for me!
 

(Yes I know I'm in Italy in July)
 

Its gorgeous, I didnt think Italy got much better than Lago Como to be honest, I love that part of the world. Before that it was Tuscany, thanks to Russell Crowe I just had to visit and, yeah amazing too but I really don't think either of them are the same as The Adriatiche sea. I dont think I've ever been in a sea so warm or so blue. I was going on to D about it and he thought that it was funny (the tosser was brought up in Cyprus)
 

Anyway so I spend hours with my sister swimming in the sea only to find to my dismay I have really bad sunburn.

How unlucky!
 

Secret Escape- Part 1 (Reims)

After being picked up at an ungodly hour and making it across the sea I've finally got to Reims (pro. Rem) such a beautiful city(?) Unfortunately the whole time all I could think about was fucking.

Might have been to do with the oysters for lunch.

But the waiter. The Hot waiter. Kind of a Hugh Jackman look about him. Every self respecting woman would have Hugh. No complaining. Any way so I was about to go and defile the man. Then we got the bill (which was amazing for the meal we just had) the problem was his name.

The same as my dads. Ugh. No. No. No.

Game Over.

Theres just some things a girl cant do.

The "in the middle" week

The problem with this week is I have finally finished organising my tours/house moving/ university next year things and I'm ready to get on with it.
 

Back from france (no tan might I add) Hollys cake and birthday party/ nightmare over although I did get the number of Ola from scandinavia who was traveling for the summer **
 

Ace's birthday was last weekend. I got him drunk in Joes on Chalk Farm Road as any good woman should and had my wicked way into the rwee hours before dashing off to my Dungeon to prepare for a schoolgirl roleplay (which schoolgirl is up and getting ready for class at 6am on a sunday? You tell me...) I got home after work mid afternoon. Kate was asleep in my bed. Go Figure.
 

I still havent given Ace his birthday present I'm scared he wont like it.
 

(Its Ray Ban sunglasses- like the ones he lost in the pub months ago)

I
 need to man the fuck up.
 

Well....

Rest of the week was so busy, working everyday as usual, shopping for Italy consoling poor Kate whose man just left her. Consoling poor Holly who is scared the Royal Baba won't be called George.. she's a royalist... I dont know...
 

But its just one of those weeks where you cant do anything.  I'm an impatient person and just wanna get it done! Starting to research builing my own dungeon too. Or equipping a bedroom with a St Andrews... might need to start a poll.. apartments in Islington are way to small for a *full* dungeon.

Whatever that means.
 

**she was one of the best one - night - definitely - never - calling - stands I have ever had.

France- the long version

Sorry. I lied.

There was no Gorean Slave Training, but I'll still do the pictures, because why the hell not?
 

Turns out my french skills are slightly better than first thought as I was able to understand everything the waitress/shop assistant/hotel receptionist/ surf instructor said but was so surprised (yes every time) that I couldnt reply back.
 

Rather shocked.
 

Didn't really surf much in the end. Gutted. But I've already done France again since (oh yes. Sneaky as.)
 

Hated the EuroTunnel though. What a drag. 35 minutes of yellow lighting and screaming kids. Neither are conducive to my libido can I just mention.
 

Although speaking of my libido I had oysters for the first time. I had been told by one of my rather more comedic uncles as a child that they were made of rabbit vomit. Delightful. As you can imagine I was more than hesitant but by god are they fine!
 

When I move my fridge will always be stocked with many just in case one of you fancy a nibble.

En France

I'm back from France now everyone !

(yes the number will be back on)

So much fun !

Day One: Naughty Pussy Photos, La Clape (its wine I swear), Burlesque and Strip Tease, Whiskey, Under Bed Restraints and a really good steak.

Day Two: Phallic Shaped Salami, Mint Tea, Swimming in the Sea, Oysters, The French Countryside and cocktails.

Day Three: Live Crabs (Not that kind!!!), Pole Dancing on a Carousel and London.

Tell me one thing on there that isn't fun.

Au revoir!

Starting my trip to France avec une chocolat chaud from Pâtisserie Valérie. Unusually for me I am actually 40 minutes early after having mis judged traffic and train times. Yes I know I'm good.

So yeah, one of my fave guys is taking me away for the weekend with promises of boutique hotels, shopping sprees and Gorean slave training.

Yes. Gorean slave training.

Its basically lots of positions that I (as the slave) will have to learn. Just to complicate it slightly there's about 5 different kind of slaves you can be. He hasn't decided which one I am yet. Thanks.

But for all you filthy little sleazeballs I'll post pictures of me in the poses so you can bark numbers at me to your hearts content.
**note** this only applies when I've learnt them- if i have to keep checking it out on my phone it's going to get crazy..

Why 'fucking' Aye

So I pissed off to Newcastle for a few days last week.

I needed a passport and it was quicker than going to Durham and I had just found out I'll be going to France rather soon.

Anyway, you Geordie Boys. What to make of you lot !

Possibly the most hilarious bunch of clients I've ever seen in two days.........

Mr. Peggy was one of the first guys I saw, does what it says on the can- lots of pegs new to BDSM and not quite sure where to go with it but without a doubt a submissive ultimately. Pegged my pussy up so much it could have had teeth (yes I did see the movie)! Kinda kinky if you ask me...

May need to recreate for a picture.

I met another lovely guy, lets call him Master J. The only gentleman in the North East who came to see me who knew how to treat a disgusting little bitch like me. Introduced me to the art of pantie licking, yes hard to believe but I'd never done it before. One of the coolest men I've ever met in my life- quite a compliment there I kid you not Sir.

You know what I'm like, a complete brat when it comes to shopping. Want. Want. Want. And yes I know, Ann Summers is the DEVIL the sluttiest, slag of the sex shops out there and not a useful whip in sight..

I succumbed to their fantasy costumes though, the frilly skirts and the oh so tight dresses seduced me the second I've slunk in and on closer inspection found some costumes you boys might actually like (shock horror !) I now have a Masseuse outfit to give you the happiest of endings, numerous skirts of various frilliness with matching stocking sets, top of with nipple clamps for maximum effect.... as well as a (quote) Miss Demeanour **cringe** Police Woman catsuit to spread you boys out and discipline with. Some of you may remember my fantastic Police Hat. Yes, yes it does match.

You know I can't help buying lingerie. Yes it is a problem.

No there most definitely is not Lingerie Rehab.

And if here was it would be chaos.. fully grown women tearing each others clothes off? You dirty pervert..