Christmas Oop Norf

Ohkay, ohkay... I did say the 6th... Monday the 6th. But I'm bored and Ace is *cough* way too busy for me and I am back at 1:30 in the afternoon so... Yeah I will be taking calls for tomorrow!

I can't wait, I really enjoyed my time up here seeing family, getting nostalgic with M Alex and getting drunk in interesting places with Crystal but wow I am so ready to get back to normal!

Top Ten Things About The North East

10. The cold

I can guarantee for the next month I'm going to be overheating in London, I'll be the chick in high heels and a dress staggering down Oxford Street with no coat.

9. The accent 

Sorry (or maybe not?) but it's back, not fully and probably not for long but for the moment nobody will confuse me with:

-The Irish

-The Welsh

-The Scouse

-The Americans

-The Scots

I even got Polish in November. No there will be no doubt in anyone's mind where I'm from!

8. A cheap night out 

3 whiskey cokes and 3 sambucas 

£15.10

Need I say more

7. You what?!

"Sorry what kinds of Sambuca do you have, Sir?"

"Eh?! Ya what?! There's arnly won kind ov Sambookah"

"Of course Sir, silly me.."

6. Proper food

"Maaaam! Can I use the kitchen!! I want to cook seafood tagliatelle with soft tomato and chilli oil!"

I kid you not

"Dint worry Pet al cook ya a pie"

Never mind...

5. Haway tha' lads

No negotiation it's Sunderland all the way, someone even offered to get "FTM"* printed on my team shirt for me.

*FTM means Fuck The Mags which is the slang for Newcastle FC for all you wholesome Southern folk.

4. Nobody asking where Im from

Everyone knows everyone and everyone knows someone from Byker Grove.

I walked through the town on Christmas Eve and ran into everyone from my old high school, my form group from sixth form, two cousins, my nanas friend Pete who does her hair, Lord somebody or other I know from somewhere, my sisters ex, my ex and then couldn't find god damn Alex anywhere.

3. Greggs

Oh my sweet Jesus. Best hangover food in the world. Tastes like hell in London, infact it's so bad that it makes you turn back to drink.

2. Mocking the South

Sorry but I know you mock The North it's like a strange D/s relationship where the power exchange shifts depending on the amount of Tory MPs in the North East.

1. It's absolutely acceptable to get mortal, act like a c*nt and shag whomever one wishes

Not that I did. I have before but not this time. Shag whomever not act like a c*nt. Crystal decided to bring up the story of one of our more turbulent NYE nights out a few years ago where we both got drunk and she took some of the party drugs I am so terrified of (and this is why) she hallucinated a bus coming, sorry, "raving" down the road and lost the plot. Stay classy Crystal.

Hurrah for the North

Anyway, I did the decent thing and here's a picture of me today, yes I do have A Christmas figure (although I still got in my size 10 jeans!) see you tomorrow!