Decadent December

As well you know Sir I am a nefarious little creature, more than a little prone to getting myself into wicked situations.

Unfortunately I have let myself get behind on my blogs (I know exactly who will be coming to straighten that out) so here is my account of one of my more hilarious night's in the last month of 2014 and what a jolly good time I had.

Well I think I out partied Paris Hilton and was so cheeky Betty Boop would have blushed. Which is saying something.

It all started when Blondie called me suggesting we had a night out. As I'd missed her birthday drinks due to an early morning spanking commitment (naughty Charlotte) I was obliged to accept the invitation. She took me to a fetish club. No jokes.

Charlotte's Top Five Unbelievable Things That Actually Happened In Said Club.

1. Tossed Blondie's pole dancer girl fiend off the pole and gave her a quick "how to" on not looking like an idiot. Then proceed to walk in on the two of them fucking. (Cheer's B!)
2. Drank half a glass of tequila. Then another. Then another. NB This might seem quite believe able but it was cheap and nasty taking a shot is unbelievable.
3. Having to teach my best friend to cane a man. In latex. Over the bar. 
4. Finding to my great amusement that I can actually talk my way into everything, even an unfortunate Oxford Grad's flat in Chelsea. #slut
5. Realising that group sessions actually are quite fun, even after all my constant rants about "How shagging more than 3 other people at once works" Because I have learnt it does.

Lets talk about the next day.

I was obviously drunk in the morning so after a brief God-Help-Me sober up stop at Brinkley's (If anyone every wants to bring me breakfast from there you don't need to ask just do) we hit Oxford Street to buy clothes, shoes and otherwise laugh at everything in a santa hat, namely in Ann Summers. Blondie looked about and I rang my receptionist who asked where I was.

"I'm in Ann Summers at Marble Arch" I replied perhaps a tad too loud "but don't worry I won't be buying anything- I already own all the Giles Deacon and the rest is tacky!" Without a doubt too loud.

Blondie slunk to the counter and paid for her barely there lingerie which yes, was Giles Deacon. The staff were not impressed and the security guard looked like he wanted to put us over his knee himself! Not that I'd have minded anyway.